Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize