At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
