I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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