My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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