My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
