What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
