omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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