READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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