I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
