Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
