Define "chronic" masturbator.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
