I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
