suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
