hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
