WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
