now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
