Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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