he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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