your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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