moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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