I feel great
I just peed on a car
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I need moral support for this bender
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
