I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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