Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
