Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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