Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
