is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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