Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just found puke in my bra..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
