Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
