Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
