Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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