i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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