just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
