Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
