i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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