I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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