birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
