You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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