do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Randomize
