2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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