Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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