Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
