What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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