I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
