You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
