it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize