I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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