Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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