I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
