Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
