Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Actions speak louder than pants.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
