oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
