The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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