just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
