it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize