ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
