apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize