The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
