he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
