I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
