I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
