What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
