Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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