Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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