so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
