So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
