Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
