everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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